College Try
by BasketCaseRebel
Summary: A Billierard story. Gerard Way & Billie Joe Armstrong fall in love when they become college roommates, but an event from Gerard's past can cause complications.


Gerard took a deep breath as he stood outside the door to his college dorm. It was his first day at the New York University of the Arts and he was admittedly nervous. But he was also excited, since this was an oppurtunity to reinvent himself. As someone else other than the creepy artist kid with the big secret who kept to himself. He didn't want to hide himself anymore... He'd planned to just come out of the closet once he got to college. To just be honest about it, and not try and hide it anymore. Maybe even find a boyfriend... Gerard smiled at the thought and reached for the doorknob. Maybe his roommate would be cool. He pushed the door opened and grinned. The dorm was way bigger than he expected. There was a small couch and a T.V., a tiny kitchen, and he could see through the open door of one of the rooms to where a bunkbed was set up. "Wow..." But the best part was the other boy sitting on the couch. Gerard's heart skipped a beat when he realized that the hot guy with the smirk must be his roommate.

The boy looked up and beamed. "Hey! You must be Gerard!" He flicked his hair out of his eyes and walked over to greet him. "I'm Billie Joe, but y'know, you can just call me Billie."

"U-Umm H-Hi..." Gerard blushed. "I'm umm... W-Well I guess you know my name, I-I'm your roommate."

"Cool! Hey you can put your stuff down in the bedroom and come hang out with me. I guess we're gonna be living together for about four years, so we might as well get to know each other." He laughed.

God his laugh was adorable... Gerard gave a weak nod and tried to get a hold of himself. Since Billie was standing really, _really_ close to him. "Y-Yeah sure..."

"You okay Man? You look kind of pale."

Gerard giggled nervously. "I'm fine. Sorry it's my first day, I'm just a little nervous being here and everything..." And since his roommate was incredibly hot, but was probably straight, and most likely had a girlfriend.

Billie shrugged. "Yeah I guess it can get kind of overwhelming but we'll get used to it. Come on, I'll help you out." He smiled, taking Gerard's bed and walking him into tiny bedroom. "Dibs on the top bunk by the way." Billie chuckled as he tossed Gerard's suitcase on the bottom bunk.

Gerard gulped and nodded. "It's cool, I don't mind."

"So tell me 'bout yourself Gerard. I wanna get to know you and stuff. Got a girlfriend?"

He paled. "N-No not exactly... W-Well I don't really have anyone."

Billie frowned and looked at him with what really seemed like genuine sympathy. "That's too bad. I don't really either, my boyfriend went to a college on the other side of the country and didn't really want to put the effort into a long distance relationship. He was kind of a jerk anyways..."

Gerard's eyes lit up. "Boyfriend?"

Billie groaned. "Aw man, you're not homophobic are you?"

"What? No.. I uh... I'm actually gay too."

"...Really?"

"Yeah..."

Billie grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at him. "I think this is gonna be a fun year." He watched Gerard blush and couldn't resist laughing. "Chill out, I'm kidding. Come on, there's a bunch of DVD's in the cabinet. We can just relax."

Gerard smiled. "Yeah... That sounds fun."

It wasn't long before Gerard realized he was hopelessly attracted to his roommate. But it was way too late. They'd already become good friends. Billie really was fantastic though... He played guitar, he liked all the same books and movies and bands as Gerard did. He was hot, he was funny, and he simply made Gerard smile. Did he mention he was hot?

Billie smirked and patted the area next to him on the couch as Gerard walked through the door. "How was your lecture? Movie time?"

Gerard grinned. "Lecture sucked. What are we watching? If you make you make me sit through another chick flick I'm gonna murder you."

Billie just shook his head and laughed as Gerard came and sat next to him. "Naw. Friday the 13th. Your proffessors all sound like jerks so I'm going to take pity on you and let you watch a blood bath."

"For the win!"

"You're such a dork."

"Shut up." Gerard blushed, smiling at Billie a little longer than he should. "Turn it on."

Billie hit the button on the remote and smiled back at him, making Gerard's heart skip a beat. "Be nice or you can't hold my hand when you get scared." He teased.

"Jokes on you, you're the only one who gets scared."

"...Shut up."

Gerard giggled and Bilie started the movie. He was painfully aware of how close he was to the other boy. Their knees were almost touching... He tried to focus on the movie but it was so hard with Billie sitting next to him and looking all naturally sexy! Gerard sighed. It wasn't like Billie liked him back so he might as well not dwell on it. He was just thinking how stupid it was to hit on someone like Bilie when he felt another hand on top of his. Gerard looked over to find Billie smiling nervously at him. "Umm..."

Billie blushed and took his hand back. "Sorry."

"No! I.. I mean... You can hold my hand."

He chuckled and moved his hand back on top of Gerard's. "You make it sound so dorky... It's cute."

Gerard giggled and they both turned back to the movie, even though neither one of them was paying attention. Gerard smiled. Maybe this would be a fun year...

By the end of the movie, Gerard was practically in Billie's lap. Billie softly ran his thumb over the back of Gerard's hand as Gerard laid his head on his shoulder.

"Is this weird for you?" Billie whispered.

Gerard shook his head. "No... Just new."

"So..." Billie tilted Gerard's chin up and leaned in a bit. "Things won't get weird if I kiss you?"

Gerard's heart pounded in his chest as he shook his head. "No..."

Billie smiled. "Okay."

"Just do it already!" Gerard laughed and finally Billie brought their lips together. His heart threatened to explode as he worked his lips against the other boy's. It was unlike any other kiss Gerard had experienced. It was soft and gentle, but at the same time it was passionate and electrifying.

Billie's tongue prodded at Gerard's lips until he parted them and allowed Billie to taste the inside of his mouth.

He reached a hand up into Billie's black hair and supressed a small moan as they kissed. His brain still trying to process the fact that he was making out with his roommate! He felt Billie's hands reaching down to the hem of his shirt and reached out to stop him. "Wait!" Gerard panted, ripping his mouth away.

"What's wrong?"

"I... I just need to know what this means..." Gerard murmured. "You're my only friend, I don't want to make things awkward..."

Billie smiled warmly at him and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I like you Gerard. It won't make things awkward. Look... If you're uncomfortable with this we don't have to do anything."

"Well it's not that it's just... I don't know what this is. I don't know if you just want to fool around, o-or if you want me to be your boyfriend... I just don't know..."

"I'd like to be your boyfriend." Billie grinned. "If that's what you want, y'know?"

Gerard nodded. "I'd like that..."

"So... You wanna go out?"

Gerard laughed and nodded. "Yes."

"Cool!" Billie pressed a short kiss to his lips and grinned. "I told you this would be a fun year."

From that point on, Billie and Gerard had only grown closer. They went to their seperate classes then met up back at the dorm to be with each other. However, Billie insisted that they actually go out every now and then. So they hung out at the campus's coffee shop and every once in a while they put in a few hours at the library, helping each other study. (Which wasn't too easy since they were taking completely different courses) Gerard still didn't have any friends, but he had his brother, who's dorm wasn't too far away, and he had Billie so he didn't really care.

Gerard sat in the bottom bunk with his nose buried in his textbook on Classic Art.

Billie found him and grinned. "Hey Gerard."

"Hey Billie. What is it? I've got a quiz tomorrow."

He wormed his way in next to him and kissed his cheek. "Didn't you have one the other day?

"The proffessor's an ass."

"Aw that sucks." Billie sat up and leaned his head on Gerard's shoulder. "You want to take a break? We could head down to the coffee shop just for a little while."

He sighed. "I really need to study for this Billie."

"But you're all stressed out... I hate it when you get like that."

Gerard smiled and kissed Billie's temple. "Sorry."

"Can I at least stay with you while you read and stuff?"

"Sure but you'll be bored."

Billie wrapped an am around Gerard's shoulders and peered over at his textbook. "I don't mind. What're you studying?"

"Classic Art. We're gonna have to identify famous works of so and so and recognize what makes them meaningful and blah blah blah. I hate this class."

"Yeah it sounds boring."

"Damn it you're lucky." Gerard chuckled. "You just get to sit around and write songs in your classes."

Billie shrugged and leaned his head on Gerard's shoulder. "It's hard."

He sighed and turned back to the book. "How the hell am I supposed to know what Van Gogh's contrast methods represented? What does that even mean?!"

Billie took the book out of his hands and set it on the floor. "Come on Gerard you need a break. You're freaking out, you can't study like that."

"I guess."

"Come on, I know you won't turn down coffee."

Gerard smiled. "Alright. But not too long okay?"

"Of course. Now come on, let's get you cheered up."

Gerard held Billie's hand across the table as they sat in the small coffee shop. "Hey is it okay if Mikey comes by tonight? Our classes are all seperate and it's like I never see him."

"Yeah sure." Billie shrugged as he sipped his coffee.

"Don't worry he won't stay long, I kind of like you to myself at night."

He blushed and squeezed Gerard's hand. "You're adorable you know that?"

Gerard sighed happily and grinned at him. "I'm so glad I met you. Like seriously, I was just super freaked out by the whole college thing and you just made it so much better."

"Well I'm glad you're happy... How much longer do you think you'll need to study? Hate it when you're all cooped up in there." He leaned across the small table to kiss Gerard's lips, careful not to knock anything over and resisting the urge to take Gerard and do something incredibly obscene.

When they pulled apart, Gerard was still smiling. At least until he looked over at the table across the room where a group of people were pointing and giggling at them. His heart sank and he shrunk back into his seat, embarrassed.

Billie frowned. "What's wrong?" He followed Gerard's gaze over to the group of people and rolled his eyes. "Jesus, grow up... Don't worry about what they think Gerard if they want to act like a bunch of eighth graders then who cares?

Gerard gave a small nod and looked down. "Yeah..."

"Hey... Come on, don't get upset, look I'll go over there and tell them what assholes they are, yeah?"

Gerard giggled. "Will you really?"

"Sure! Why not? They can't put you down like that. Here, watch." He leaned over and kissed Gerard's cheek before setting his coffee down and walking over to the other side of the shop.

Gerard watched him nervously as Billie confronted the group of people. He figured the worst case scenario would be that they would just laugh at Billie and he'd walk away. He certainly hadn't expected one of the guys to stand up and punch his boyfriend straight in the face.

Billie cried out and fell backwards, clamping a hand over his nose to stop the bleeding.

"Billie!" Gerard gasped, running over and kneeling next to him. "Jesus! Are you okay?!"

The guy who had punched him glared down at them both. "I'd run if I was a fag like you."

Gerard helped Billie up and stared at the person, terrified. "W-What did we do?!"

He laughed. "Just get the hell out of here before we make you leave."

Billie groaned and clutched his nose, slowly pulling Gerard towards the door. "Just come on Gerard."

"B-But... But..."

Billie tugged him out onto the sidewalk out side the coffee shop, still clutching his nose. "God DAMN it! That freaking hurts!"

"What happened?! Are you okay?"

"I just went over there to tell them to leave us the hell alone and the dude freaking punched me!"

"Here, let me see." Gerard took Billie's blood stained hand away from his face and winced. "Oh God, Billie I think it's broken." The skin on his nose and around it was angry and purple and... were nostrils supposed to be dented like that? "Come on, I'll clean you up. Let's just get back to the dorm."

Billie sniffed and flinched at the pain. "Thanks..."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

He nodded. "Y-Yeah, let's just go..."

Gerard had Billie sit on the bathroom counter as he cleaned his face up. "Jesus that looks like it hurt..."

Billie rolled his eyes. "You don't say?"

"...Sorry."

He sighed. "No. Ugh, that was bitchy. I'm sorry, just... Thanks for doing this."

Gerard smiled. "I don't mind. But there's a clinic on campus right? Cause I really think it's broken."

"Yeah, past the English building. Ugh but I just wanna lay down now."

"Come on, we can crash on the couch for a little while then we'll go get your nose set okay?"

Billie kissed Gerard's cheek, careful not to hurt his nose and dragged him into the area with the couch that they called the living room. He lied down and held his arms out. "Come 'ere."

Gerard giggled and squirmed in next to him. "I'm sorry 'bout your nose Babe."

He kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes. "Ugh it still hurts... But thanks."

"Just try to relax, okay? I still have to study."

"Mmkay..."

"Feel better Billie."

Billie scowled as he touched the bandages on his nose. "This sucks. It looks awful, and my nose still hurts."

"And I got C on my quiz." Gerard grumbled. "You want dinner?"

"I guess... What do we have?"

"Ramen noodles. What else?"

Billie sighed. "Are you mad at me?"

Gerard's expression softened. "What? Why would I be mad?"

"Becuase you spent your afternoon yesterday, taking care of me instead of studying and now you got a C and you're in a really bad mood, and I feel bad..."

"Billie..." Gerard kissed Billie's lips and swept the hair out of his eyes. "Hey, I'm not mad at you... It's not your fault you got hurt. Aw and your poor little nose." He cooed, carefully running his finger down one of the bandages. "I still think you look awesome."

Billie grinned. "What did I ever do without you?" He laughed. "Ugh I want to do something nice for you but I don't know what. Is there anything you want?"

"You don't need to do anything for me." Gerard smirked, kissing Billie's forehead. "We've been dating for a month and already you've taken a punch for me. I think that's more than enough." He reached over him for the T.V. remote and flicked it on. "Plus, if it wasn't for you my only friend would be my brother... and you make me happy."

"Aww come here you." Billie snickered, and pulled Gerard into his lap and pressed small kisses over his face. "You're too sweet, y'know that?"

Gerard smiled and pressed their lips together, taking care not to hurt his nose.

Billie quickly deepend the kiss and soon Gerard was being laid down.

He didn't stop him when Billie reached for his shirt. It just felt too good to be touched this way. Gerard worked his lips back against the other boy's reaching a hand up into his hair.

They were both topless now. Billie grinned and pressed a line of kisses down Gerard's neck. "God, you look hot." He whispered.

Gerard blushed and let Billie keep going, right until he reached for his belt buckle. Gerard's eyes widened. "Wait! D-Don't... do that..."

Billie frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I-I'm... n-not umm... comfortable with that."

He put a hand on Gerard's cheek, concerned. "What're you talking about? The realization dawned on him, and he raised his eyebrows. "Gerard are you a virgin?"

Gerard blushed and looked away. "Maybe... U-Umm... Please don't tell anyone." He choked and for a second Billie thought he might cry. "I'm just saving it for someone I know I love..."

Billie smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about Gerard... I think it's kind of sweet."

"Really?"

Billie nodded and kissed his cheek. "Sure. Most guys are only interested in sex but you're... y'know you're different. You're special." He grinned. "Here, tell you what, I'll run down to the Cafe and get food and stuff. Then we can just chill and watch bad movies for the rest of the afternoon. Nothing sexual. Sound good?"

Gerard chewed on his lip for a moment before wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. "Thank you..."

Billie kissed his temple and handed him his shirt. "Don't worry about it Gee. I don't think I would've been too good with my nose all screwed up anyways."

Billie sighed as he sunk down underneath the tree in the courtyard. "Duuuude."

Mike raised an eyebrow and sat down next to him. "What's up now Man?"

"Duuuude." He groaned.

"What?"

He just groaned again and leaned his head playfully on Mike's shoulder. Other than Tre and Gerard, Mike was one of his few friends. "It's Gerard."

"Your boyfriend?"

"No, my pet guinea pig."

Mike chuckled and shoved Billie Joe's head off his shoulder. "Shut up and tell me what happened."

Billie sighed. "You can't tell anyone this, okay?"

"Sure."

"Gerard's a vigin..."

Mike laughed. "Really?"

"Don't laugh at him, shut up."

"So what? You're worried about taking his virginity?"

Billie shook his head. "No... He won't have sex with me."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "Really? But... He's a dude. Dudes want sex."

He chuckled. "Well not Gerard."

"So what, you're gonna break up with him? I mean it's either that or risk living out your college years without sex."

Billie perked up and glared. "No way! I'm not going to dump him just because he won't give me his virginity... Well won't give it to me yet... Still, he's freaking awesome. I can't just break up with him, I actually like him. He's really sweet..."

"Well you got your nose broken for him, I'm assuming he's hot too. Hey, when can I meet him?"

Billie smiled and pointed to the nearest building. "He'll be out of there in about ten minutes with his brother. You'll like him... and yes, he's hot." He squinted over at the group of students exiting the building. "Oh hey he's out early!" He beamed. "Come on, come on, come on!" He giggled, pulling Mike onto his feet and tugging him towards where he saw Gerard. "Move it Mike!"

"Jesus Dude."

"Come on!" Billie grabbed Mike's arm and tugged him across the grass, to the sidewalk where Gerard and his brother were walking. "Hey Gee!"

Gerard looked over and beamed. "Billie! Hey!" He didn't get a chance to say anything more because before he knew it, Billie wrapped his arms around his waist and slammed their lips together. Gerard couldn't help the tiny moan that escaped his lips as he kissed him back and threw an arm around Billie's neck.

Mikey grimaced. "Gross Gee. Come on, you're my brother, that's sick."

Gerard pulled away, giggling and smacked a wet kiss to Billie's cheek. "Sorry." He noticed Mike standing next to Billie and waved. "Oh hey! You're Billie's friend right? I'm Gerard."

"Yeah I could tell." Mike smiled. "Yeah, Billie never shuts up about you."

Gerard blushed and grabbed Billie's hand. "Aww."

Mikey scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Uhh... So Gee are you gonna come by me and Ray's today?"

He shook his head. "No, I've got another test coming up. I need to study."

"Again?"

"Yeah. Proffessor's an ass. Remember?"

Billie laughed and kissed his forehead. "So you want to just go back to the dorm, I'll help you study if you want. But I also kind of have to finish this song I'm working on."

"Aw thanks." Gerard gushed. "You're sweet. Come on, we should get going."

Billie nodded and waved at the other two. "See you guys."

"Later." They waved before heading off in the directions of their seperate dorms.

Billie wrapped an arm around Gerard's hips and slipped a hand into his back pocket. He watched him blush and turn his head away. "What? You don't like that?"

Gerard shook his head. "N-No it's just... You know, new to me. Being this close to someone."

Billie pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. "Aw. Well tell me if I ever make you uncomfortable okay?"

He cocked an eyebrow at him. "You're hand's on my ass in public. I think I've been pretty easy going."

Billie laughed. "Come on. Let's go back to the dorm."

Billie glared as he strummed away on his guitar. He had half the lyrics done but only enough for the first verse and the chorus. He still needed a bridge and at least a second verse if not more. Or at least that was what the assignment required. He had no idea what to write about... So far it was sort of a song about frustration but kind of wasn't at the same time. Plus he really wasn't too frustrated at the moment, so he had no inspiration.

Of course this was when Gerard decided to walk out in his boxers.

Billie's eyes widened and he immediately crossed his legs. "U-Uhh Gee?"

Gerard gave a weak smile and looked at him nervously. "My clothes are in the wash. You don't mind do you?"

"N-No umm... Of course not."

He grinned and walked over to sit next to him. "What're you working on?"

"U-Umm... J-Just a song for class."

"Can I hear it?"

Billie blushed and nodded. "You know it's cruel to walk around half-naked when you won't let me get you in bed."

Gerard giggled and leaned his head on Billie's shoulder. "Just play me the song."

"It's not done."

"Pleaaase?"

"Alright." He laughed. "Don't get your hopes up." He began strumming through the chord progression and looked down at the lyrics sheet to his left. "Where did you come from? Where have you been? Looks like you fell into the trash bin... I'm catching a train, I'm crashing the car. Back by daylight. Shooting for the stars... Like a lifelong daisy chain of my imagination. Rat inside a maze, I've got no destination... 'Cause I'm a little boy named Train. Ask me and I'll tell you the same. Little boy named Train... Don't know where I come from but I know where I've been." He stopped playing and sighed. "It sucks."

Gerard stared at him with his mouth slightly open. He carefully took the guitar from around Billie's neck and set it aside.

"What are you doing?"

Gerard climbed into Billie's lap, so that he was straddling his hips. He leaned forward and gently kissed Billie's soft lips.

Billie leaned into him and put his hands on his waist, softly moving his tongue into Gerard's mouth. "Aww Gee..." He dug his thumbs into the waistband of Gerard's boxers, only to have his hands pushed away.

"No Billie."

He sighed. "Okay... Can we at least make out for a while?"

"Sure." Gerard giggled, moving his mouth to the side of Billie's neck. "Maybe one day... I promise."

Billie smiled and put a hand on the back of Gerard's head. Someone like him was worth waiting for.

Gerard glared at his textbook as he scanned the words on the page. He really hated studying.

Billie flopped down on the couch next to him, smiling. "Hey you."

"Hey." Gerard grumbled.

"What's the matter?"

"Studying."

Billie clucked his tongue and scooted closer. "Come here."

"Why?"

"Come heeeeeere." Billie chuckled, wrapping an arm around Gerard's shoulders. "Let the cuddle master cure what ales you."

That earned a smile from Gerard. "Cuddle master?" He laughed.

"Sure, why not?" Billie joked before pecking Gerard's lips. "Mike's coming over in a minute. Why don't just take a break and relax for a little while, okay?"

"Alright..." Gerard grinned.

Billie was leaning in for another kiss when he heard the knock on the door. "Ohh! That's Mike! Be right back." He smacked a kiss against Gerard's cheek and ran over to get the door. He flung it open and waved. "Hey Man! Come on in."

"Hey Billie." Mike smiled as he walked in. He caught sight of Gerard and waved. "Aw hey, you're the virgin dude!"

Gerard's eyes widened and he immediately turned to Billie. "You TOLD him?!"

Billie mentally cursed himself and chewed on his lip. "Gerard I... I didn't mean to!"

Mike looked between them and put a hand over his mouth. "Oh crap dude, I forgot you told me not to say anything!"

"Billie!" Gerard shrieked. "You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone! What the hell?!"

Billie groaned. "Gerard, I'm sorry. Please, I'll make it up to you I swear! Don't be mad at me."

Gerard glared and stormed towards him. "Billie this was the only thing I trusted you with! And you're telling me not to be mad?!"

"It's not that big a deal! Jesus Gerard! Who CARES if you're a virgin?!"

"I care!"

"Well no one else does! So why do you have to get all worked up over it?!"

"BECAUSE YOU PROMISED ME!" Gerard shouted. "I TRUSTED YOU WITH THIS! IT'S THE PRINCIPLE!"

Billie rolled his eyes and took a deep breath because he knew if he let himself get too angry he'd say something he'd regret. Plus, he was sort of afraid Gerard would start crying, and then he'd feel like an asshole. Billie sighed. "I'm sorry... Yes, I shouldn't have told him and I'm sorry. Okay?"

Gerard just shook his head and walked past him.

"Gerard... Come on, where are you going?"

"Just leave me alone."

Gerard left and immediately Billie turned to Mike, glaring. "What the HELL dude?! I told you not to say anything."

Mike just sort of stared at him blankly for a second. "Sorry man I'm kind of baked right now."

He rolled his eyes. "He just left! I-I don't know where he went, what if he does something?! W-What if he doesn't come back? God I can't stand him being mad at me!"

"Dude are you gonna cry?"

"NO." Billie growled. "Ugh, do you have his brother's number? He probably just went to his dorm."

"...What?"

He groaned. "Go crash in our room. You're a pain in the ass when you're high."

Mike just shrugged and wandered towards the room with the bunkbeds.

Billie sighed and flopped down on the couch. He didn't know why he felt so attatched to Gerard already. They'd only been dating for a few months... But Gerard just got him better than anyone else! Plus he was cute and sweet and funny and now Billie had gone and screwed it up by making Gerard not trust him! Everything SUCKED.

Gerard didn't come back. Billie hugged himself as he laid in the top bunk . It was weird... Sleeping without Gerard below him, which just sounded wrong... Maybe Gerard would be back in the morning. He'd have to come back to get his stuff for class anyways! But tomorrow was a Saturday... Billie moaned and buried his face in his hands. He'd have to go out and find him in the morning.

The first thing Billie did was call Gerard. He drummed his fingers against his knee as he waited for him to pick up. Someone answered and he immediately perked up. "Gerard?! Oh my God I'm so sorry please talk to me."

"Chill out, it's Mikey."

Billie's heart sank. "Oh... Is Gerard there?"

"That depends. Are you gonna be an ass?"

"No, please just let me talk to him."

"Look dude you know where my dorm is. Come over and talk to him yourself."

"Okay, okay. I'll be right over, alright?" Billie said as he fumbled around the room for his jeans.

"Sure dude, just get him out of here. He's bumming me out."

Billie hung up and tugged on a semi-clean Misfits t-shirt. The one he knew Gerard liked. "Jesus." He panted as he ran out of the dorm, just knowing that he had to talk to Gerard.

Billie knocked on the door over and over until Mikey opened up.

"Jesus Dude, chill out."

"Just let me in, please." Billie begged, and Mikey stepped aside to let him past. He ran into the living room, and his heart dropped when he saw his boyfriend on the couch.

Gerard was looking paler than usual and dressed in all black. Not his usual all black with his tight jeans and cute band shirts, but in just a plain black long sleeved shirt and pants. Not to mention his eyes were pink and wet...

"Gerard?"

He glared. "Why did Mikey let you in?"

"Gee please I'm sorry..."

"One thing! That was all I asked of you and it wasn't even hard! But no, you go straight away and tell your best friend the ONLY thing I asked you to keep a secret!" He shouted. "I trust you Billie! Or at least I did!"

Tears welled in Billie's eyes but he blinked them back, embarassed. "G-Gerard I know what I did was awful and stupid but I just came here to apologize to you... I-I don't know what it is that makes me care about you so much but I hate that you're upset with me and I just want to make you happy again. Just tell me how to make it up to you and I swear I'll do it. I don't care that you're a virgin, neither does Mike... and as far as the sex I don't care if you need me to wait for you. I will... I'll never break a promise to you again, just please come back to me." Billie choked, angry at himself for getting so emotional.

Gerard's eyes were glassy as he stood up and hugged him. "Billie... That was so sweet."

Billie hugged him back tight and closed his eyes, simply savoring the moment. "You forgive me?"

"Of course... I'm sure I was over reacting anyways." Gerard smiled, sweetly kissing Billie's lips. "Come on let's go back."

"Okay."

Billie was starting to think Gerard was teasing him on purpose. He was always walking around half naked, claiming he was doing laundry. But whenever he decided Billie was touching him too much, he'd always blush and tell him to stop. Which Billie didn't mind, but it could get a little frustrating. He poked his head out of the bedroom to make sure the coast was clear.

Gerard was sitting on the couch in those tight jeans with his nose buried in his sketch pad.

Billie's heart fluttered a little bit at the sight of him and he quickly ducked back inside the room, shutting the door behind him. He grabbed his ipod off the nightstand and slipped his headphones on as he laid down on the bed. Billie smiled to himself as The Misfits' Die Die my Darling blasted and... Okay it was not okay to be turned on while listening to this song. His fingers tapped against his hip for a moment before he dug his thumbs into his belt loops to tug his jeans down just an inch or two. Billie thought of Gerard as his hand slowly drifted lower. His skinny frame, the way he blushed when he was nervous... Maybe what he looked like out of that tight underwear he always had on. He whispered Gerard's name as he pushed his hand past the waistband. It felt so good just be touched...

Gerard knocked on the door. "Billie? Hey can I come in?" There wasn't an answer but he could hear the faint beat of music coming from the other side. "Billie?" He frowned as he pushed the door open. "Hey what's-" He caught sight of his boyfriend on the bunk bed and stopped. "Billie!"

Billie's eyes flew open when he saw Gerard. "Gerard?!"

"W-What are you- Y-You were-!" Gerard stuttered.

"Oh my God." Billie groaned, his face turning red. "What the hell Gee?"

"What?! I knocked!"

"Well I didn't hear you!"

"Well what was I supposed to do?! I didn't know you were... doing that!"

Billie glanced down at his lap and crossed his legs. "W-Well get out!"

Gerard gave a shaky nod and ran out of the room, hurriedly shutting the door behind him. Jesus Christ...

Billie spent an hour feeling gross and embarrassed before stepping out into their living room. "Gerard?"

Gerard was sitting on the couch, staring at the T.V. screen with a pillow hugged to his chest. "Yeah?" He mumbled.

"Are you upset?"

"...Yeah."

Billie sighed and sat down next to him. "Why?"

Gerard looked away. "You yelled at me..."

"You walked in on me masterb-!"

"Don't _say _it!" Gerard interjected, his face already turning pink.

He rolled his eyes and sat down next to him. "I'm sorry I yelled at you... I didn't mean to make you feel bad, it's my fault anyways. Okay?"

"Are you mad at me?"

Billie leaned over and kissed his temple. "Of course not."

"Okay." Gerard smiled. "You want to watch a movie?"

He wrapped an arm around Gerard's shoulders and pecked his lips. "Sure... and if it makes you feel better I was thinking of you when-"

"It doesn't!" Gerard squeaked.

Billie laughed. "You're adorable when you're uptight."

Gerard slapped his shoulder and handed him the remote. "Shut up and find a movie."

It was about half an hour into it when their movie nearly transformed into a porno. Billie was a liar, there was no way this was PG-13. "Okay, now this is just awkward." Gerard giggled as the third sex scene in the past five minutes played in front of them.

"I swear to God, I thought this was something else."

Gerard laughed. "Suuuure." The man on the screen let out a moan, making Gerard blush and looked away.

Billie raised an eyebrow. "Well I don't see you complaining."

"Shut up..." Gerard smiled, pulling his knees to his chest. "You're the one who put this on."

"Well you're not changing it." Billie smirked as he moved closer, seeing an oppurtunity. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were enjoying this."

"I am not!" Gerard squealed, grinning.

"Oh really?" Billie chuckled, nibbling on Gerard's ear. "Cause when you get turned on you normally get really giggly... and you blush a lot more than usual." He pressed a wet kiss to Gerard's collar bone, working towards his neck. "I think it's cute."

"I'm not turned on..." Gerard mumbled, despite the bright red creeping across his face.

Billie bit down on his neck, making Gerard shiver.

"Ah BeeJ."

"And I love it when you use my nickname." He purred, kissing Gerard's wet lips. He reached down to the hem of Gerard's shirt and looked up to make sure it was okay. "Can I?"

Gerard hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Yeah but... That's it, okay?"

He nodded. "Okay." Billie kissed him once more before pulling the other boy's shirt off and tossing it to the floor.

Gerard crossed his arms over his chest and Billie smiled at him.

"Come on, don't be nervous." Billie cooed, pulling Gerard's arms away. "You're beautiful, don't hide it." He whispered before kissing his lips and pulling his own shirt over his head. "I just wish you would let me get closer to you."

"You think I don't want to?" Gerard panted between kisses, pushing his tongue into Billie's mouth. "I'm just scared Billie."

"Why? What could you be scared of?" Billie asked as he gently sucked on Gerard's neck.

"I can't tell you."

"Gerard you can trust me."

Gerard leaned forward to kiss him again but Billie stopped him. "N-No stop... Talk to me. What are you afraid of?"

"Please try to understand." Gerard choked and Billie could see him tearing up. "I just cant tell you."

Billie looked at him, almost hurt. "Baby... There is nothing you can't tell me. I would never judge you, I won't tell anyone." He wrapped an arm around his shoulders and held him close. "Why won't you talk to me about this?"

"It's just not something I CAN talk about right now Billie! I'm sorry!" He cried, burying his face in his hands. "P-Please just try to understand!"

Billie stared at him, wide-eyed not expecting him to break down like that. "Gerard... Hey, don't cry. Come here." He pulled him into his arms and ran his hand up and down Gerard's back, trying to calm him. "You don't have to tell me, it's alright... Shh, it's okay."

Gerard sniffed and pulled away. "W-What time is it?"

"Umm... I don't know, three?"

"I-I have a class to get to."

"Wait, Gee... Are... Are you okay?"

Gerard nodded and kissed Billie's cheek. "I'm fine." He picked his shirt up off of the floor and tugged it on. "I just have to go..."

"Are you mad at me? D-Did I do something wrong?"

Gerard sighed and kissed his forehead. "You didn't do anything... I'll see you later okay?"

"Okay..." Billie whispered, half to himself. "But I'm always here for you, alright?"

Gerard just nodded and grabbed his bag before heading out the door, leaving Billie alone and confused.

Billie buried his head n his hands and groaned. He just didn't know how to keep Gerard happy.

Billie knocked on Mikey's door over and over again, praying he wasn't in class.

Mikey opened up and frowned. "Billie? What are you doing here? You and Gerard aren't fighting again are you?"

Billie shook his head. "No I... I need to talk to you about him."

"Umm okay." Mikey stepped back to let him in. "What happened?"

"Well..." He blushed a bit as he spoke. "We were... y'know making out and stuff an-"

Mikey groaned. "Dude I really don't want to know about my brother's sex life."

"No really, it's important... Like whenever I try and touch him or anything he freaks out. I don't think it's just him saving himself anymore... a-and he started crying and saying he was scared but he wouldn't tell me why! And..." Billie trailed off. "I just want him to be happy... Why is he like this?"

Mikey sighed. "Look umm... If you... you really care about him so much, there's something you should know. Something... sort of happened to him."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look umm... Okay so when Gerard was like fifteen, he had just come out of the closet and he was being harrassed a lot y'know?"

Billie nodded.

"Well... he was coming home from school one day and a bunch of the guys from school found him and... sort of dragged him into an alley with this guy... They just left him alone there and that guy... he umm... h-he raped him... G-Gerard was just kind of stuck there, bleeding and scared. He finally called the police and they took him to the hospital, where me and my family went to get him but... Look, please don't push him to do anything sexual. It happened a long time ago, but something like that never really goes away... Just be careful with him..."

"Someone did that to him?"

"Yeah..."

"I had no idea..." He gulped. "I umm... I'm gonna go wait for him to come back so I can talk to him... Thank you though."

"No problem."

Billie gave a hald-hearted wave before walking out the door. "Bye."

Gerard walked back into the dorm and set his bag down. "I'm back."

Billie smiled warmly at him from across the room. "Hey..." He ran over and pulled him into a hug. "I missed you... Are you feeling better?"

"Aw I missed you too... and yeah I feel fine. Sorry for freaking out on you like that."

"Don't apologize Gee, it's fine..."

Gerard frowned. "Are you okay? You're acting kind of odd..."

Billie bit his lip. "Umm... I talked to Mikey..."

"And?"

"He uh... He told me something... and I just want to tell you I'm sorry."

Gerard paled a bit. "Why are you sorry... a-and what did he tell you?" He asked, despite already knowing the answer.

"He told me what happened to you Baby... I'm so sorry for pushing you. I never would've asked you to do anything, you were even the least bit uncomfortable with if I had known."

Gerard's eyes watered. "I-I'm so sorry BeeJ. I don't want you to have to deal with all this baggage a-and you've been so sweet to me..."

"Gerard you don't have to apologize." Billie smiled. "Look, it's okay. I don't care if I have to wait for you Babe... You're worth every second of it. Just please talk to me if you need to... I don't want you to be upset all by yourself. I'm right here for you."

Gerard reached his arms around the back of Billie's neck and slammed their lips together, slowly pushing his tongue into Billie's mouth.

Billie's eyes widened for a moment until he was able to lean into it. "Mmph Gee." He mumbled against his lips.

Gerard leaned into his embrace and suddenly, his nervousness faded away. He felt safe with Billie... "Maybe I am ready." He whispered.

Billie's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah... You make me feel safe... I think I can do it."

"...Just to be clear we _are_ talking about sex right?"

Gerard laughed and kissed him again. "Yes."

Billie grinned and yanked him into the bedroom, slamming the door behind them before he pressed Gerard against the wall and pushed his tongue into his mouth.

Gerard gasped and desperately kissed him back, letting out a quiet moan every time Billie bit down in the right place. His heart skipped a beat and his breath hitched a bit as Billie reached for his belt buckle.

Billie looked up at him, waiting for approval. "Okay?"

Gerard gave a shaky nod and pecked his lips. "Do it."

He smiled and dropped Gerard's jeans to the floor, soon doing the same with his own.

It wasn't long before the two boys were on the bed in nothing but their underwear. Billie took care to be gentle as his hands roamed over Gerard's naked chest. "You're so beautiful." Billie murmured as he nibbled on Gerard's ear. "Tell me if you feel uncomfortable alright? We can stop whenever you want."

"Okay." Gerard smiled, despite his heart threatening to beat out of his chest and the nervousness slowly trying to creep back in. He trailed his lips down Billie's neck, making him shiver.

"God Baby." Billie giggled, pressing wet kisses over the other boy's face. "Umm... How do you want to do this?"

"Uhh..." Gerard blushed. "We need a condom and... stuff."

Billie raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? That might be too much for you I don't want you to-"

"BeeJ it's fine... I can do this."

He beamed and kissed Gerard's cheek. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Gerard was becoming more and more nervous as Billie ran out of the room to get what they needed. But it was normal to be nervous, it was his first time, he told himself. Gerard took a deep breath and tried to block out the memories of the event from six years ago, doing his best to keep his mind set on his boyfriend.

Billie walked back in, still grinning and climbed back onto the bed so that he was leaning over Gerard. "Ready?"

Gerard gulped. "Y-Yeah... I'm ready."

"Okay." He smiled, before leaning down to kiss him and removing what little was left of Gerard's clothing. "Don't be nervous. I know it's your first time but I promise it's great."

"O-Okay..." Gerard watched as Billie got ready for what they were about to do, growing more hesitant and scared with each passing second. By the time Billie was ready and leaning over him again, the fear was back. Not the normal fear that one may feel when about to lose their virginity, but close to full on terror as the memories of the rape came flooding back into Gerard's head. Tears pricked at his eyes as he desperately tried to shake them away. He didn't want to go through with this anymore. He really wasn't as ready as he thought he was. But he couldn't turn back now! Billie just looked so happy and Gerard had already made him wait for this... His breathing quickened as Billie grabbed his hips and he just couldn't do it. "N-No! STOP!" Gerard shrieked, backing up as far as he could without falling off the bed. "I can't do it!" He cried, pulling his knees to his chest. "I'm so sorry! I can't!"

Billie froze, not expecting Gerard to freak out like that and reached out to him. "Hey, hey it's alright. Look, I'm not doing anything, it's okay." He wrapped him up in his arms, pressing sweet kisses to his forehead. "Shh, you're okay. I'm not gonna do it, don't cry."

Gerard sobbed into his shoulder and held him back. "I-I'm sorry B-Billie. I thought I was ready, I really did b-but you were touching me like that a-and I just kept remembering what happened a-and I... I-"

"Shh. Hey, calm down it's alright. No one's gonna hurt you." Billie cooed, stroking Gerard's back to calm him down, and pulling the sheets up around Gerard's waist, not wanting him to feel exposed. "It's okay."

Gerard sniffed and buried his face in his boyfriend's neck. "I'm sorry..."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Billie whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong, it's completely okay... Just lie down for a minute."

Gerard did what he was told as Billie reached over him to grab his boxers off the floor and squirmed around awkwardly as he tugged them back on, making Gerard giggle.

"Tell you what, why don't you just put your cute little Batman pajamas on and we can watch Die Hard for the thousandth time?"

Gerard wiped his eyes and smiled. "Really?"

"Of course... Are you okay now?"

He nodded. "Yeah... I just got scared."

Billie kissed his forehead and reached down to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "That's alright... Do you want me to leave so you can get dressed?"

"No it's okay." Gerard pressed a sweet kiss to Billie's cheek before sliding out of the bed and pulling the Batman pants, Billie thought were so cute, out of the dresser and tugged them on.

Billie stood up and wrapped an arm around his still naked torso before pressing a loving, soft kiss to Gerard's lips. "Why are you so incredible?"

Gerard pulled out his Iron Maiden shirt and smiled meekly at the other boy. "Because I'm with you."

Gerard sat at the library the next day, with a blank sketchpad. He had no idea what to draw and Billie's class didn't end for a half hour. He sighed and tapped the pencil against the paper aimlessly. At least Billie would be there with him soon. He was really starting to hate the proffessor that had assigned this. He hated being told what to draw, even if it wasn't something specific. He was about to give up and work on some of his other assignments when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Gerard whipped around to find his boyfriend standing there, smiling with two cups of coffee balanced in his other arm. "BeeJ! I thought your class wasn't over 'til 4."

He shrugged and handed Gerard one of the coffees. "Eh. I bailed out a little early. You still feeling okay?"

Gerard smiled and nodded. "Yeah I feel fine."

"Great." Billie grinned as he sat down next to him and threaded their fingers together. "What're you working on?"

"Ugh, more drawings for Proffessor Asshole."

Billie chuckled and kissed his cheek. "Aw poor Gee." He squeezed his hand and used his free one to tug out his notebook. "I have another song due in a couple days, you mind if I write right now?"

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Of course not." He took a sip of the coffee and smiled. "Aw you remembered my favorite."

He laughed. "Well you get the same thing every time."

Gerard leaned his head on Billie's shoulder and groaned. "Ughhhh I don't know what to draw."

"Well I don't know what to write."

"That's not any help."

Billie kissed his forehead. "Sorry."

"Can we just go back to the dorm and make out?"

His eyes popped a bit. "I have been waiting all my life for the boy that would say things like that to me."

Gerard giggled and kissed Billie's open mouth before stuffing his sketch pad back into his backpack and standing up. "Well come on."

"You sure you're okay with... y'know being touched like that again? I don't want you to freak out..."

Gerard nodded. "Billie it's fine... and maybe we can try again next week."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Billie." He sighed.

"...Sorry."

Gerard kissed his cheek. "Don't be... But you don't have to worry so much about me, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay."

Billie surpressed a moan as his fingers knotted in Gerard's dark hair. "God you're hot."

Gerard moved down to nibble on BIllie's neck, making him shiver and reached a hand up his shirt.

Billie nearly purred into Gerard's mouth when their lips met again, Gerard using his tongue the way he knew the other boy liked. "Just like that Baby." He panted against his lips.

Gerard grinned as he grabbed Billie's hips and let his tongue take dominance.

He pulled Gerard on top of him and kissed him hungrily. "Mm." Billie hummed as he pushed his hand in between their bodies. "Can I take your jeans off? Or... is that too much?"

Gerard thought for a minute. "Umm... I don't know BeeJ... I want to but I'm afraid I might freak out again..."

Billie thumbed open his own jeans and kissed Gerard's wet lips. "It's okay, you don't have to... Just keep doing what you're doing, it still feels amazing."

He blushed and kissed him again as Billie slid his hand over his boxers. Billie's mouth still tasted like the coffee they'd had at the library and Gerard loved it. He reached a hand up to Billie's cheek as he worked his lips and tongue against his.

He couldn't help the moan that escaped his mouth as Gerard continued to kiss him and his hand pressed down a bit harder than it should. "A-Ah Gee B-Baby." He half gasped as he pulled away to catch his breath.

Gerard giggled until he caught sight of Billie reaching into his underwear. "Wait!" He blurted out. "Umm... Could you... not do that? I-It's a little far for me..."

Billie sighed and pulled his hand out. "Okay."

"Sorry..."

"Oh hey, no no. Don't apologize." Billie whispered. "It's fine, don't be upset."

"Okay." Gerard smiled, pecking his lips. "Soo..."

He smirked and kissed Gerard's forehead. "Let's just pick up where we left off."

Soon enough, winter began and the cold snuck its way onto campus. Gerard of course got sick right away.

Billie kissed his forehead and tossed a blanket over him in the bottom bunk. "Here, try and rest up. You always get really stressed when you miss a class."

Gerard frowned and wiped his nose. "I'm not sick Billie, I just get a little stuffed up when it's cold."

"I know, but I just want you to feel better." He cooed.

Gerard rolled his eyes. "I'm _not_ sick. You don't have to act like my mother."

Billie sighed and got up. "Fine do whatever you want." He mumbled, walking out of the room. He was just trying to help, if Gerard needed to be a little bitch to feel better than fine. He wanted to be a good boyfriend and take care of him when he was sick, but oh well.

Gerard sat up. "Wait... Billie come back, I'm sorry."

He stepped back into the doorway and crossed his arms. "I'm trying to help you Gee."

"I know... I'm sorry and I really do feel like crap..." Gerard scooted over in the bed and looked at him pitifully. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" He near-whispered, looking down in his lap.

Billie's expression softened. "Of course Baby." He walked over and slid into the bed next to him, holding his arms out so Gerard could snuggle in between them. "What are your symptoms?"

"Well I'm really not that sick... I just get a cold sometimes in the winter, but my throat still hurts a bit and my nose is all clogged up... and I'm sleepy."

Billie smiled and kissed his temple, pulling the blankets up around their shoulders. "Just try and sleep."

Gerard just buried his face in Billie's chest. "Thank you."

Gerard walked back into the dorm after his last class and tossed his bag to the floor. "I'm back Billie."

Billie took his guitar from around his neck and ran over to greet him. "Hey you. How you feeling?"

"Better." He kissed Billie's cheek and shrugged his jacket off.

"Soo... Hey I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Um... Well you don't have any plans for winter break yet do you?"

Gerard shook his head.

"Well... Would you maybe want to spend it with me and my mom? None of my other siblings are coming home for break so it'd really be just you and me since she still has to work."

A grin spread across Gerad's face. "Really?"

Billie blushed. "Well y'know... If you want to."

He giggled and threw his arms around Billie's shoulders, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. "Of course I do! How far is it?"

"Uhh... It'll take a two day road trip, but we can get a hotel on the first night."

Gerard reached his hands up to the back of Billie's head and yanked him forward to kiss him.

Billie gasped and wrapped an arm around Gerard's waist. "I really didn't think you'd be that excited."

Gerard kissed his chin and tugged him onto the couch. "Of course I am. This is gonna be great!"

"Um but there is sort of... one thing."

"What is it?"

"Could you maybe... Not let my mom know we're dating? It's not that I'm ashamed or anything, and she knows I'm gay but... y'know she's religious and not totally comfortable with it."

"Oh..."

"Is that okay?"

Gerard nodded. "Yeah I guess it's alright."

"Great." Billie beamed, pecking Gerard's lips. "You'll have fun, I promise."

Billie stomped back into the dorm in a pretty bad mood. Finals were inching closer and closer and he'd spent the better part of 7 hours studying his ass off. He was stressed as hell and really wished he had a boyfriend that wouldn't mind sleeping with him to take his mind off it. But for now, he'd do his best to settle for a quick make out session. "Gee?"

Gerard came bouncing out of the bedroom and grinned as he ran over. "Hey Billie!"

"Yeah, hey." He smiled as he tugged Gerard closer and kissed him roughly, slowly shoving him towards the couch.

Gerard laughed into his boyfriend's mouth as he was laid down on the cushions. "Well someone missed me."

"All day Baby." Billie murmured as he attacked Gerard's neck and lips. "God I hate this, I really need you to take my mind off it."

"Aw poor Billie." Gerard gushed before kissing him back.

Billie reached for Gerard's belt buckle, only to have his hands slap away.

"BeeJ no."

"Baby please I really need this today." He begged as he tried once again to undo Gerard's belt.

Gerard's heart pounded as he pushed BIllie's hands away. "B-Billie stop, really."

"Come on, I've already seen you naked, it's no big deal."

"P-Please don't Billie." He pleaded, but Billie really wasn't listening.

"Shh it's okay, I'm not gonna do anything."

Billie made an attempt to yank Gerard's jeans down from around his hips but Gerard screamed. Not like a short little shriek, or the playful squeal Gerard often made when they were fooling around but an actual scream. Gerard scrambled away from him, falling off the couch in the process. "STOP IT!" He shrilled as the memories flooded back into his mind and the tears spilled over his eyelids. "D-DON'T TOUCH ME! J-JUST-" He broke down in sobs and hugged himself, muttering things BIllie couldn't hear. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Billie stared at him, shocked, scared and guilty. "Baby... B-Baby oh my God I'm so sorry come 'ere." He rushed over and tried to wrap his arms around him but Gerard just jerked away, crying.

"W-Why would you do that BeeJ?" He cried. "W-Why would you do this to me? I-I thought you understood! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME RE-LIVE WHAT HAPPENED?!" He sobbed, tugging his knees to his chest.

"Gerard I'm sorry!" Billie shouted, tears quickly filling his eyes. "Please! I didn't mean to hurt you, don't hate me."

Gerard trembled and continued to cry to himself. "Y-You were supposed to be different." He choked. "Y-You made me feel safe."

"Sweetheart please let me talk to you. Please, I'll make you feel better just come 'ere." Bilie cooed, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Gerard finally let Billie hold him and he buried his tears in the soft fabric of the other boy's shirt.

Billie rubbed his back and pressed soft kisses into his hair. "Shhh. It's okay, I got you. You're safe."

He sniffed and nuzzled his head against Billie's chest. "I-I just can't be touched like that Billie, I'm so sorry. I-I just get so scared and I s-start remembering everything about that day a-and." He whimpered and pressed closer. "Please stop when I ask you to..."

"I'm so sorry Baby, really. I will never do that to you again. Ever. I promise. I'm just so stressed and I wanted to get my mind off of finals... You're safe with me I swear."

Gerard hugged Billie tight and let him wipe the tear tracks from his face.

"Come on, let's get you off the floor." Billie helped him up and sat him back down on the couch, pressing a sweet kiss to Gerard's forehead.

"...Will you stay and watch Star Trek with me?" Gerard asked, smiling meekly at the other boy.

"Of course." Billie laughed, locking their fingers together and pulling Gerard's legs into his lap. "You want me to run out and get us dinner in a little while."

Gerard nodded and scoothed closer so that he could rest his head on Billie's chest. "Hey Billie?"

"Yeah?"

Gerard hesitated for a moment before leaning in. "I love you."

Billie's heart stopped and he turned to look Gerard in the eye, a smile making it's way across his face. "I love you too Gee..." He gently kissed Gerard's lips. "I did from the second I saw you."

Gerard beamed and threw his arms around him. "You're the greatest boyfriend in the world."

"...I was an asshole just a minute ago."

"Shut up." He giggled as he kissed him again. "You're still the best thing to have happened to me in a long time."

"Aw." Billie kissed his cheek. "I feel the same about you."

Gerard pulled Billie forwards so he could kiss him, slowly and lovingly. "God I'm glad I met you."

Gerard held Billie's hand as they drove down the highway. "This is gonna be so much fun! I can't believe your taking me home with you!" He squealed.

Billie laughed and squeezed his hand. "You sure Mikey's not upset about going back alone?"

"Nah, he's fine with it."

"Cool... So what do you want to do for fun tonight? We're just going to be cooped up in the hotel room by ten thirty."

"Umm..." Gerard blushed. "Well I was thinking since we have a hotel room and everything tonight we could... maybe try again?"

Billie frowned. "What are you talking about?"

He giggled. "Y'know... I freaked out last time, I want to try again."

"Oh!" BIllie grinned. "Yeah... Yeah, okay that sounds great."

"Just promise to be gentle... and careful y'know? Please don't do what you did last week." Gerard whispered.

Billie nearly stopped the car. God, he still felt awful about how he had behaved. "Sweet Pea... I would never do that to you again. I'll be careful and gentle and I'll stop the second you say so, okay Baby?"

Gerard smiled and leaned his head on Billie's shoulder. "Okay."

"You trust me right Baby?"

"Of course I do."

"Okay." Billie took his eyes off the road for a moment to kiss Gerard's forehead. "Don't be nervous about it. I mean the first time will always hurt a little at first but it gets really good after a minute or two, I promise."

Gerard nodded, ignoring the flutter in his heart. "Okay..."

Billie let go of Gerard's hand for a moment to crank up the stereo before taking it again and kissing his knuckles. "We'll be at the hotel in about four hours."

Gerard let out a nervous giggle. "Can't wait."

Gerard nearly ran into the hotel room, dragging Billie behind him.

"Someone's excited."

"Hush." Gerard smirked, dragging Billie over to the bed. "You have a condom right?"

Billie looked at him, concerned. "Gee are you really sure you want to do it that way? I think it might be easier if we... y'know did something else. There's other things we can do Baby, I don't want you to feel scared."

Gerard shook his head. "I don't want to. It's my first time and I want to take it all the way... okay?"

Billie smiled and shrugged his jacket off. "Alright." He gently lowered Gerard onto his back and kissed him. "Just tell me if I need to stop."

He nodded and let Billie strip his shirt off as he worked his tongue into the other boy's mouth.

Billie let out a small moan as his tongue slid against Gerard's and he only pulled away to pull off his own shirt. "So can I take your jeans off?"

Gerard only hesitated a second before nodding his head and reaching down to slide off his belt.

Billie did the rest of the work, unzipping Gerard's skinny jeans and tugging them down to his ankles.

Gerard giggled a bit as he kicked them the rest of the way off.

"Nervous?"

"Not yet."

"Good." Billie smiled as he stood up to get rid of his own jeans, making Gerard stare.

"U-Umm..."

"What?"

"N-Nothing you just look... y'know." Gerard blushed as Billie crawled over him and pressed their lips back together.

"Do you want the light off?"

He shook his head and grabbed one of Billie's hands to place on his hip. "I want to be able to see you."

Billie nodded and hooked his fingers around the waistband of Gerard's boxers before looking up for approval.

"You can do it."

Billie grinned and in no time at all they were both naked under the bedspread.

Gerard blocked out the memories and focused on the other boy, kissing him sweetly yet dirty at the same time and nibbling on the places he knew made him moan. He let Billie's hands roam wherever they pleased and still didn't feel the smallest hint of nervousness. Matter of fact, he was really beginning to love it. Billie's callused hands were firm yet soft and felt amazing on his skin. "BeeJ." He whimpered as Billie nibbled on his neck.

"You think you're ready yet Baby?" Billie whispered. "Cause I don't think I can wait much longer if you're gonna be laying there all sexy like this."

He giggled and nodded. "I'm ready."

Billie kissed him one more time before pulling away, tugging some of the bed sheets with him. "Just give me a second to get ready."

"Yeah." Gerard watched him as he prepared himself just like last time, but this time he didn't feel scared. He knew Billie would never hurt him and he knew this would feel nothing like what had happened to him. He stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes, and he could feel himself growing more excited with each passing second.

Billie looked up at him and winked before slowly running his hand up the inside of Gerard's leg until his Gerard's face was burning red. "You'll like it I promise." He murmured as he slid their lips together.

Gerard finally did get a little scared as Billie's fingers did something that would surely make his mother faint and he was well aware that this was _actually_ happening. But after a minute or so, he loosened up and the smile returned to his face.

"Just tell me if it hurts."

He nodded. "Y-Yeah BeeJ j-just don't stop. God please don't stop." He gasped as Billie leaned down to kiss his jaw.

A laugh escaped Billie's lips as he pressed them to Gerard's cheek. "Okay are you sure you're ready now?"

"Do it." Gerard moaned, jerking up to briefly attack Billie's lips before laying back down and letting Billie settle between his legs. "I'm ready."

It really didn't take long at all before Gerard was screaming out the Billie's name and vice versa. Gerard managed to slam their mouths together one last time before they both collapsed back onto the mattress, sweaty and exhausted.

Gerard laughed and threw his arms around Billie Joe. "That! Was the most amazing thing in my entire LIFE!"

Billie snickered and kissed his forehead. "Told you, you'd like it." He wrapped an arm around Gerard's skinny frame and pulled him as close as he could get. "I love you." He whispered. "I really do."

Gerard grinned and pressed a short sweet kiss to Billie's soft lips. "I love you too BeeJ. I really, really do."

They both giggled and shared another kiss.

"You know there will never really be a time as good as your first." Billie smiled.

Gerard blushed and nuzzled his nose against Billie's cheek. "I'm glad you were my first..." He yawned as he closed his eyes.

Billie chuckled and reached over to switch the light off before resting his head against Gerard's. "Sleep tight Beautiful."

Gerard smiled at his sleeping boyfriend when he woke up in the morning and blushed when he felt Billie's arms still around him. He nuzzled his head against Billie's bicep and thought about the night before. God it had been amazing.

Billie stirred and held Gerard tighter, mumbling something in his sleep before finally opening his eyes. "Hm?" He rubbed his eyes and kissed Gerard's cheek. "Morning Baby."

"Morning."

Billie propped his chin up on Gerard's shoulder and giggled. "You have fun last night?"

He nodded. "It was amazing Billie."

"Well wait to see what other kind of stuff we can do." Billie winked, making the other boy laugh. "You want to grab some breakfast? We have time, my house is about six hours away."

"Yeah, sounds great."

"Cool." Billie kissed his temple and pulled the sheets back to get up. "Ew we're still all gross and naked. I'm gonna shower first okay?"

Gerard chuckled. "Okay." He couldn't help staring a bit as Billie walked into the bathroom. "You better save me some hot water."

Billie poked his head back outside the door and blew him a kiss. "Of course."

Gerard hugged Billie's arm as they drove down the road. "How much longer?"

"About an hour." Billie shrugged, kissing the top of Gerard's head before redirecting his attention to the road. "I can't wait for you to meet my mom, she's gonna love you."

"Aw." Gerard smiled. "I hope so. Hey what about your Dad, am I gonna meet him?"

Billie's smile dropped and his face turned sullen. "Umm... We'll talk about that when we get there, okay Love?"

Gerard looked at him, a little confused but shrugged. "Okay..."

He cleared his throat. "So what do you want to do when we get there? It's kind of a small town but there's like c.d. stores and movie theatres and stuff. We could do whatever."

"I don't really care, whatever you want to do BeeJ."

"Okay... But be prepared, my mom's a hugger."

Billie wasn't kidding about his mother. The second Gerard walked in the door he was nearly tackled by a woman in an apron, throwing her arms around him.

"Oh you must be Gerard!" She squealed. "Billie never shuts up about you, I'm so glad he found such a nice friend. Get in here!"

Billie laughed and ushered Gerard inside. "How you doin' Mom?" He smiled, kissing her cheek and fighting the urge to take Gerard's hand.

She hugged her son, grinning. "Aw I'm great Honey. Here why don't you show your friend the guest room. I set up the air mattress in there so there's two beds."

"Thanks Mom, we'll be right back."

Gerard blushed and gave her a small wave before following Billie up the stairs. "She's nice."

Billie chuckled and pushed open the wooden door to the guest room, setting his suitcase at the foot of the bed. "Yeah. Sorry, we have to y'know... just act like friends around her. I just don't want her to be uncomfortable."

"It's fine. I'm her guest, I'm sure she wouldn't be too happy about me sleeping with her son."

He smiled and pressed his lips against Gerard's. "She'll probably have dinner ready soon, but I think we can take a few minutes alone before we go back." He slowly worked his lips against Gerard's, slowly pushing his tongue into his mouth.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Billie's neck and simply enjoyed the moment before he had to pull back. "Come on, we should go back." He whispered.

"Aw but you look so good right now." Billie smirked, nibbling on Gerad's ear.

"Billie." Gerard snickered. "Come on, she's probably waiting."

"Mm alright." He pushed his hands into Gerard's back pockets and tugged him forward for one last kiss. "Let's go."

Billie hooked his ankle around Gerard's underneath the dinner table as they ate. "This is great Mom, you didn't have to go to all this trouble for dinner."

She shrugged and pushed the bowl of sweet potatoes towards him. "Well I hardly get to see you anymore, this is a special occasion!" She looked at Gerard. "So tell me about yourself Gerard. What are you majoring in?"

"Oh umm." Gerard could feel the blush creeping into his cheeks as he set his fork down. "I'm an art major but I sing and stuff too."

"Oh that's great! Billie's got quite the voice too."

He nodded. "Yeah he really does."

Billie smiled at him and squeezed his knee under the table before turning back to his mother. "So umm... I was thinking of going to see Dad as soon as we're done here."

Her face dropped a bit and she nodded. "Here, I'll get you some flowers from the garden."

"Thanks."

She stood up from the table and left in the direction of the backyard.

Gerard pushed his plate back and frowned. "Why do you need flowers?"

BIllie shook his head and kissed Gerard's cheek since his mom wasn't there anymore. "Don't ask, you'll find out soon I promise."

"Okay..."

Billie's mother returned with a bundle of colorful flowers in her hand, which she handed to her son. "You should go now, it's gonna be dark soon."

He nodded again and stood up. "I'm gonna take Gerard with me alright?"

"Go ahead."

Gerard stood up and followed Billie nervously out the door.

They walked about a block down before Billie threaded their fingers together.

"Billie seriously. Where are we going? You're freaking me out."

Billie chuckled and kissed Gerard's cheek. "Relax, you don't have anything to worry about."

They walked down the sidewalk past the rows of houses until they came to an area that was generally empty other than a set of iron gates.

"Right over there." Billie murmered as he squeezed Gerard's hand and tugged him over to them.

Gerard's heart sank when he looked up at the sign above the gates and the pieces started to come together. "BeeJ this is a cemetery..."

"Yeah..." He sighed and pushed them open. "Come on, it's right over there." He led Gerard near the back of the graveyard until he found the tombstone.

Gerard looked at the name and instantly clutched his boyfriend's hand tighter. "Billie I'm so sorry..." He didn't recognize the first name but the name Armstrong at the end made it clear. "Baby I had no idea."

"Don't worry about it Gee." Billie knelt down and placed the flowers at the foot of the headstone. "I-I just-" His voice cracked and he looked down at his lap.

Gerard sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug. "It's okay."

"I just miss him so much..." Billie sniffed, embarrassed for crying. "I miss him every day and I just don't understand why he had to leave me."

Gerard kissed his temple and held him tight. "Shh Baby it's okay." He cooed, not really knowing what to say.

Billie smiled despite his wet eyes and pulled back so he could kiss the other boy. "I'm so glad I met you..." He looked back over at the tombstone. "I think he would've really loved you if he got the chance to meet you..."

Gerard smiled back and wiped the tear tracks off of Billie's face, gently kissing where they had been. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." He stood up and pulled Gerard into his arms, still looking down at the grave. "I'll be back soon Dad." He chuckled, wrapping an arm around Gerard's waist. "Ready to go back to my place? We can watch a movie."

"Yeah... That'd be nice." Gerard blushed.

"Okay, come on." Billie kissed his cheek and began leading him out of the cemetery.

"...Are you sure you're alright Billie? I mean... you changed moods kind of quickly."

"Yeah, well I know Dad would want me to be happy... and you make me happy. So, I think the best I can do is visit him from time to time and focus on living the life he gave me." He closed the gates behind them and tilted Gerard's face towards his so he could kiss him again."Love you."

Gerard giggled. "I know. Now come on, just for you I'll watch Terms of Endearment or some other emotional movie."

"Terms of Endearment is NOT a chick flick!"

Gerard just laughed and kissed him again. "Shut up."

Gerard slowly eased his tongue into Billie's mouth as the movie played in front of them. Gerard really hoped Billie's mother was asleep. He was pretty nervous about the fact that Billie's bed room door didn't have a lock.

Billie tugged at the hem of Gerard's shirt and pulled back to make sure it was alright.

Gerard nodded and let him strip it off. "So are we gonna do it like last night?" He whispered into the other boy's ear. "Cause I think I could be up for that."

Billie thought for a moment and smirked. "Well... You're not too experienced y'know? You haven't done everything yet."

"What do you mean?"

"Here, sit on the edge of the bed." Billie instructed as he climbed off of it.

Gerard did as he was told but still looked confused. "What are you doing?"

Billie knelt down in front of him and spread Gerard's legs apart. "Can I take these off?" He asked as he reached for Gerard's belt buckle.

"Y-Yeah go ahead."

Billie grinned and stripped Gerard of his jeans, growing more excited with each passing second.

Soon, Gerard was naked and Billie was topless. "Y-You still haven't told me what you're going to do." Gerard stuttered.

Billie wiggled his eyebrows as he settled his upper body between Gerard's legs. The rug sort of burned against his knees but he didn't really mind. "Just try not to be too loud okay?"

Gerard nodded and rested his hand on the back of Billie's head. "So umm... Y-You're gonna..."

"Just relax." Billie whispered and leaned forward.

Gerard's eyes widened and a moan escaped his lips. "O-Oh my God BeeJ."

Billie would've laughed if his mouth hadn't been preoccupied and unzipped his own jeans, shoving them down a bit, past his hips.

Gerard fell back onto the sheets, whimpering and mumbling his boyfriend's name as Billie worked his magic. They wouldn't have stopped if it hadn't been for Billie's, oh so loving, mother.

She walked in and flicked on the light. "Hey Billie I was wondering if-" She caught sight of them and screamed. Literally jumping into the air and clamping a hand over her mouth.

The two boys jumped up terrified.

"MOM?!" Billie shrieked as he fumbled to zip his jeans. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!"

"I was still awake! I thought I'd come ask what you and Gerard wanted for breakfast tomorrow morning!"

Gerard's skin burned red as he yanked the sheets up to cover himself, too petrified to say anything.

"Why wouldn't you knock?!"

"Well I didn't think I'd walk in on you sucking so-"

"Stop!" Billie squealed. "Oh my God don't _say_ it!"

"Well I just saw it!"

He buried his face in his hands and groaned. "Oh my God, please just go!"

His mother just blushed and hurried out, shutting the door behind her.

Gerard stared at Billie with wide eyes. "Oh my God..."

"Gee I'm so sorry."

"Your Mom just saw me naked!" He looked down at his lap and paled. "And hard as a freaking rock, oh my God!"

Billie sat down next to him and leaned his forehead on his hands. "Ugh, I'm sorry Gerard. I really wanted this to be good for you..."

"I think I'm just gonna put my pajamas on and go to sleep..." Gerard mumbled.

Billie's heart sank. "Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not Baby." Gerard kissed his forehead and sighed. "I'm just horribly, horribly, _horribly_ embarrassed."

"I'm gonna go down and talk to her... Alright?"

Gerard nodded. "Okay."

"Okay..." Billie kissed Gerard's forehead and grabbed a t-shirt from the floor. "I'll be right back" He tugged it on and dashed out the door. Billie caught sight of his mother at the bottom of the stairs with a hand on her forehead. "Uhh... Mom?" He blushed as he jogged down the stairs.

"Yes?"

"Umm... Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Of course, but Honey... If you and that boy were... together... why wouldn't you tell me?"

He looked away and sat down on the bottom step. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable... You've always acted weird when I've brought guys home."

"Oh Billie... That's ridiculous, you know I don't have a problem with you being gay. But umm... Are you... Are you serious with Gerard?"

Billie nodded. "I really do love him Mom... He just... He's different. He understands me... But he's just been through so much and I feel like I have to be there for him. I hope what just happened didn't damage him..."

"What do you mean?"

He shook his head. "It's... It's complicated."

She put a hand on her son's shoulder and frowned. "Wait Honey... Is there something you're not telling me? What do you mean 'damage' him?"

Billie looked at her sadly. "Just umm... W-When Gerard was younger he was umm..." He gulped. "H-He was raped a-and it's really hard for him to make himself vulnerable like that... Sex used to terrify him, I just hope you seeing him in... that state... won't affect him or anything."

His mother put a hand over her mouth. "Oh God Billie... That's horrible, is he okay?"

"I think so... But um... I should go be with him. He's pretty embarrassed."

"I'm sorry." She chuckled.

He blushed and stood up. "It's alright... Just... y'know, knock." He hurried back up the stairs and back into the bedroom.

Gerard was sitting in his pajamas on the bed with his knees tucked to his chest.

"Baby?"

"Yeah?" He mumbled.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Billie."

Billie crawled in next to him and kissed his cheek. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. We can try it again if you want?"

"Maybe tomorrow..."

"Well did you at least like it while it lasted?" Billie laughed, kissing the side of Gerard's neck.

Gerard giggled and nodded. "Yeah."

"Mmkay... So you gonna sleep on that air mattress in the corner or you want to cuddle up with me and finish the movie?"

Gerard smiled and moved over so he was snuggled into Billie's side. "Okay, let's watch it."

Billie wrapped an arm around Gerard's shoulders and smiled. "I don't know what on Earth I'd do without you GeeGee."

Gerard grinned. "Me niether."

Billie woke Gerard up early in the morning with a sweet kiss. "Come on Babe, rise and shine."

Gerard looked over at the clock on the nightstand and rolled his eyes. "It's like seven thirty, why are we up?"

Billie smirked. "Cause my Mom's never up 'til nine and I thought we could squeeze in a little fun."

Gerard blushed. "Really? A-Are you sure?"

"Of course Baby." He kissed Gerard's lips and trailed his hand down his chest. "So can I get you naked?"

He giggled and nodded. "Yeah just go slow okay?"

Billie nodded and kissed him again as he shoved Gerard's sweatpants down past his hips. "Ooh no underwear. Sexy."

Gerard laughed and tugged his shirt off as Billie did the same.

He tugged Gerard's sweatpants the rest of the way off and winked at him. "Ready?"

"Y-Yeah..."

Billie slid down the bed until his face was hovering over his lover's hips.

Gerard moaned as Billie bent down and reached his hand down to knot in Billie's dark hair. "A-Ahh BeeJ."

Billie used his free hand to push down his boxers and would've grinned if he could.

Gerard was a bit of a mess, whimpering and moaning every other second. It wasn't long before he clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from screaming Billie's name.

A moan escaped Billie's lips as well and he reached a hand up to hold Gerard's as he felt every muscle in his boyfriend's body go tense.

"I love you." Gerard panted. "God I love you so freaking much, that felt amazing."

Billie smiled and took a second to breathe before crawling up next to Gerard. "I'm glad you liked it." He whispered as he kissed Gerard's cheek.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Billie's neck and brought their lips together. "Okay, we're going to be doing that a LOT more often."

He laughed and kissed the other boy's cheek again. "Damn right." He laid down next to Gerard and pulled him into his arms. "You looked amazing by the way."

Gerard blushed and nuzzled his head against Billie's bicep. "Can we sleep a little longer?"

Billie stroked Gerard's pale torso and kissed his forehead. "Sure."

He closed his eyes and pressed closer to the other boy. "Wake me up when you do, okay?"

"Sure Baby." Billie chuckled. "Sleep tight."

Gerard woke up with his head on Billie's chest and his arms around his shoulders. He looked up at him and smiled, Billie always looked so cute when he was asleep.

Billie wriggled around in his sleep and held Gerard tighter.

Gerard glanced over at the clock on the bedside table and raised his eyebrows. "BeeJ." He whispered. "Baby wake up, it's almost noon."

Billie groaned and slid down so he could bury his face in Gerard's neck. "I don't wanna get up... and you smell like coffee."

Gerard giggled and kissed the top of Billie's head. "Come on, I don't want your mom to be sitting around waiting for us. Also, she might come up here to get us and I'm naked. So wake up."

Billie laughed. "Fiiiiiine." He crawled out of bed and grabbed the first pair of jeans he saw as Gerard went to dig an outfit out of his suitcase. "So what do you want to do today?"

He shrugged and tugged on the black skinny jeans he knew Billie liked. "I don't know."

Billie grabbed Gerard's hips and pulled him into a soft kiss. "We could go to a movie if you want. There's a really nice theatre half a mile away."

Gerard leaned his forehead against Billie's and smiled. "Sure. What do you want to see?"

"Oh whatever you want." Billie smirked, pecking Gerard's pink lips. "Maybe something romantic?"

Gerard twisted a lock of Billie's hair around his finger. "Sounds good to me."

"Come on," He chuckled. "We should get downstairs."

Gerard nodded and kissed his boyfriend's cheek before tugging his shirt on and heading for the door. "Let's go."

They let Billie's mother stuff them full of pancakes before they made the trip down to the movie theatre. Billie squeezed Gerard's hand as they walked into the dark theatre.

"What is this called again?"

"I forget but it's supposed to be romantic, with a happy ending so I figured it'd be fine."

"Mmkay." Gerard smiled as they took their seats in the back row.

Billie pulled up the armrest between them and wrapped an arm around Gerard's shoulders. He was fairly sure the movie would suck and they'd end up more focused on each other, than the screen. Or at least he hoped.

Niether of them paid much attention of course. Gerard had his head on Billie's shoulder and was gently running his thumb over the back of his hand, squeezing it every so often.

Their hands were clasped together right in Billie's lap so it was inevitable that they'd brush over a certain something every minute or so.

Billie blushed as he became aware of the tightness in his jeans and moved their hands down a bit, hoping Gerard wouldn't notice.

Gerard saw him fidgeting and frowned, not really understanding until he spotted the issue. He smirked a bit and kissed Billie's cheek. "Come to the bathroom with me."

"What? Why?" He whispered.

Gerard raised an eyebrow and dragged his thumb over the bump rising out of Billie's jeans.

Billie's face turned even redder and he nodded, nearly falling down as he stood up from his seat and dragging Gerard through the darkness towards the door that led out. He tugged his shirt down a bit in an effort to hide his little problem, but not to much avail. Luckily the bathroom wasn't far away once they were out of the theatre.

Gerard took the lead this time, tugging Billie into the mens' room and grinning when he saw it was empty. "Come on."

Billie giggled as he was pulled into the handicap stall, watching as Gerard locked it. "Oh my God what are you doing Gee?"

"I umm... thought I'd help you." He laughed, nervously.

"Oh?"

Gerard rolled his eyes. "God you're going to make me do all the dirty talk aren't you? Just be quiet, I don't want to get kicked out of here for this." He pushed Billie against the white tiled wall by the sink and kissed him. "I... y'know really liked what we did this morning, I was thinking I could maybe try?" Gerard blushed.

Billie tucked a lock of Gerard's hair behind his ear and petted it back. "Sure, why not? You sure you're not too uncomfortable with that?"

Gerard shook his head. "I can handle it, it's okay." He sank down to his knees and sat on his heels, reaching up to unzip his boyfriend's jeans as his heart threatened to pound out of his chest. "I-I uh... Don't expect much, I haven't done this before."

Billie leaned his head back against the tile and closed his eyes. "Baby I'm sure whatever you do will feel great, don't be self-conscious." He whispered.

"Okay." Gerard gulped and tugged Billie's jeans and boxers down to his knees, still worrying about doing it wrong.

Billie kept his hand on the back of Gerard's head as he leaned forward and pleasure took over, stroking the other boy's hair reassuringly every time he stuttered. "God Gee you're good at this." He moaned, his knees struggling to keep him up. "Love you so much."

It wasn't long at all before Billie finished and Gerard had a bad taste in his mouth.

Billie tugged him up from the floor and pulled him into a kiss. "I love you Gee. I love you so freaking much, promise you'll never leave me." He murmured into his ear as he held him close.

Gerard nuzzled his nose against his boyfriend's cheek and smiled. "I could never leave you." He helped Billie get re-dressed and kissed his lips one more time before rinsing his mouth out in the sink.

Billie held out his hand for Gerard to take. "Come on Beautiful, we should leave before someone sees us."

Gerard nodded and kept a tight grip on Billie's hand as he slid back the lock and walked out. They were just coming out of the bathroom when a man at least over six feet tall ran into them.

"Hey, watch where you're going." The man growled. His gaze drifted down to their hands and he glared. "Great, faggots. Hey, the girls bathroom is over there dumbasses."

Billie scowled back at him. "Hey what the hell is your problem? We haven't done anything! Back the hell off."

"Oh for God's sake, you pansies are disgusting. You're corrupting our country, that's my problem."

Gerard gripped Billie's hand even tighter and Billie knew he must be terrified. Gerard gulped and made the biggest mistake he could've possibly made in the situation. "P-Please don't hurt us! W-We didn't do anything!"

Billie's eyes widened. Why would Gerard say THAT of all things?!

The man laughed and cracked his knuckles. "Oh you're just asking for it faggot. Man, I haven't hit a guy in ages."

Gerard whimpered and looked around desperately, hoping he could run for it but the man had him corner.

Billie would've fought him back if the punch hadn't gone so quickly, not to mention the fact that he was about a foot shorter.

The man drove his fist forward, colliding with Gerard's eye, making him let go of Billie's hand and stumble back against the wall.

Gerard shrieked and covered his face, memories flooding back faster than he could block them out.

Billie finally he wasn't proud of this, but he did the only thing he knew how to do in this situation. He managed to get a pretty good kick in at the guy's balls and even grinned a bit in triumph as he watched him stumble.

The man groaned and keeled over, giving Billie enough time to help Gerard up and run him out of the theatre as fast as possible.

They made it out onto the pavement before Gerard started crying. The tears rolled down his face and he latched onto Billie. He felt sick to his stomach and all he could think about was the awful violated feeling he'd felt six years ago.

Billie honestly didn't know what to do. He just held Gerard against him and stroked his hair back, soothingly.

"I-I th-think I'm gonna be sick." Gerard sobbed as he pulled away.

Billie gulped. "Okay, okay here lean over." He pulled Gerard to the curb and bent him over. "It might make you feel better, just throw up if you have to."

Gerard dropped to his knees and vomited onto the asphalt, his stomach heaving and his eyes burning from tears.

Billie kneeled down beside him and rubbed his back until he was finished. He could murder that guy for doing this to Gerard. "Feel better?"

Gerard sniffed and nodded.

"Okay, come on, I'll drive you back Love." Billie helped him up from the ground and kissed his temple. "I'm so sorry that happened Baby." He cooed as they walked towards the parking lot. "Let's just go back to my place and relax, I'll get you something for your eye."

"Thanks BeeJ." He choked. "I-It was just so horrible. I f-felt like I was back in that alley a-and I was scared he was going to hurt you."

Billie wrapped an arm around Gerard's hips and unlocked the car. "I'm sorry Baby..." He gulped. "I should've done something before he could hurt you."

Gerard climbed into the passenger seat and snivelled. "Billie he was huge, don't blame yourself."

He took his place behind the wheel and turned Gerard's face towards his. The skin around Gerard's eye wasn't purple yet, but it was red and swollen and there was a laceration in the skin as well. Billie frowned. "Where did that one come from?" He brushed his thumb over the cut, making Gerard wince.

"I think he had a ring on."

"God." Billie sighed, pressing a sweet kiss to Gerard's forehead. "Come on let's get you home..."

Billie's mother gasped as the two boys walked through the door. "Gerard what happened to your eye?! Oh my God Honey are you okay?"

Billie wrapped an arm around Gerard's shoulders and pulled him past her. "I'll tell you what happened in a minute Mom, I'm gonna clean him up a bit."

She just stared at her son with wide eyes and nodded.

Billie brought Gerard into the bathroom and patted the counter. "Hop up Gee."

Gerard sat on the counter and watched as Billie pulled out a bottle of something from the medicine cabinet and wadded up some toilet paper. "What's that?"

"Just something to keep that cut from getting infected." Billie smiled, pressing a kiss to Gerard's cheek. "Talk about deja vu, this is just like when I broke my nose except the other way around."

Gerard just nodded.

Billie sighed and moved closer, looking into Gerard's eyes. "I really am sorry I didn't stop him Baby... You're not mad at me are you?"

"Of course not BeeJ."

"But you're still so upset." Billie reached a hand up to caress Gerard's face and gently kissed his lips. He did his best to do it just the way Gerard liked, nibbling on his lower lip and just prodding the tip of his tongue into his mouth. When he pulled away, Gerard was blushing and he had that cute little smile on his face.

"There's my Gee. Here, this might sting a little." Billie chuckled as he tipped some of the liquid onto the tissue and dabbed it on Gerard's wound.

He winced. "Ow! You said a little!"

Billie laughed and kissed his cheek. "Sorry, here let's get you some ice then we can just relax and hang out okay?"

Gerard hopped off the counter and pushed the door back open. "Okay... Hey, really. Don't feel bad or anything, there wasn't really anything you could've done."

"I guess. Wait here, I'll be right back." Bille ran off into the kitchen, where his mother was waiting.

"Billie tell me what happened!" She fussed. "Is he alright?"

"He's okay Mom. Some asshole at the movie theatre punched him and it really freaked him out." Billie rambled out as he opened the freezer and grabbed an ice pack. "I think I'm just gonna keep him upstairs and try and take his mind off of it."

"Oh God Billie that's horrible. Did you report the guy to anyone?"

He shook his head. "No, we needed to get out of there."

"Alright... Gosh Honey, you've got to be more careful."

Billie rolled his eyes. "Well Jesus Mom it's not like I provoked him!" He walked out and hurried over to his boyfriend, handing him the ice pack. "Here Honey keep on you, let's just go upstairs."

Gerard laid comfortably between Billie's legs with his head resting on his firm chest.

"Here, like this." Billie whispered as he positioned Gerard's fingers on the strings of the guitar they held in their laps. "Just hold 'em down." Gerard did, and Billie strummed the chord through. "And that's an A chord."

Gerard giggled and grinned.

"Okay, remember the E?"

He nodded and moved his fingers into the position of the chord.

"Good, okay hold it like that and move to D when I say so. Remember that one?"

"Mm Hmm."

"Okay push down." Billie smiled and strummed the chord up and down a couple of times before stopping the strings. "Okay now D."

Gerard fumbled a bit, but moved his fingers over quickly.

Billie strummed again, grinning. "Back to E and just keep switching."

It was a little slow and shakey but a basic rythem was recognizable in what they played. Gerard beamed and let the strings go so he could twist his head around to kiss his boyfriend.

Billie kissed him back and moved his arms from the guitar, to around Gerard's torso.

Gerard placed the instrument on the floor and leaned back against the other boy. He always felt so safe and cozy in his arms. "When do we have to drive back?"

"Not until Friday morning, so we still have all of tomorrow."

He nuzzled his head against Billie's chest and closed his eyes, the left one stinging a bit from the bruising. "Do you think I could learn to play guitar?"

Billie chuckled and kissed the top of his head. "Sure. I can teach you if you want."

Gerard yawned and nodded. "I'd like that... Is it okay if I fall asleep like this?"

"It's fine Baby, sleep tight." Billie cooed as his fingers played with Gerard's hair.

Gerard nuzzled his head against Billie's soft skin and sighed happily to himself. "Goodnight BeeJ."

Gerard's eye was black by the time he woke up the next morning and it hurt like hell. "Ow, Billie it's throbbing." He whined as he pulled the bedsheets further up around them.

"I'm sorry Sweet Pea." Billie yawned. "If it makes you feel better it looks kind of hot."

"It does not." Gerard pouted, snuggling back in next to Billie. "Gah it's cooooold."

"Well it is December Gee."

"That's not making me feel any warmer!"

Billie chuckled and wrapped his arms around him, pressing a sweet kiss to his forehead. "You're so cute."

Gerard just giggled and rested his head on Billie's chest. "Shut up."

"Well if you want, I can warm you up a bit?"

"Huh?"

Billie smirked and pulled Gerard up a bit so he could properly kiss him. "We've just gotta be quiet."

Gerard figured out what Billie was implying and blushed. "Okay... Just go slow okay? Gentle?"

"Always" Billie whispered, pressing a sweet kiss to Gerard's lips. "Just remember to relax."

He nodded and pulled the sheets over their heads, smiling.

Billie kissed his cheek and stripped off his shirt before attending to Gerard's. He placed a row of sweet kisses down Gerard's neck just to feel him shiver.

Gerard gasped and could feel his heart beat quicked as Billie stripped him.

"Feeling okay?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine. Just excited."

Billie smiled and rid himself of the rest of his clothes. "Good."

Gerard tugged him down and kissed him again, dirtier this time and much deeper.

He moaned and sucked Gerard's lower lip into his mouth, savoring the taste of him. "Mmm, God Baby." Billie sighed. "You're an amazing kisser, I swear to God."

Gerard just giggled and pulled his boyfriend back over him. "I love you so much."

In a matter of days, the couple was back on campus. Christmas was only a few days away and the whole area was covered in snow. It would've been a little annoying, but it just gave them an excuse to cuddle more.

Gerard tucked the blanket in around them and stared at the T.V. screen. "Come on, give me a hint."

"Nope."

"Aw please?"

"No!" Billie laughed. "It's a Christmas present, you have to wait."

"Awww." Gerard whined, reaching down to take Billie's hand. "You're mean."

"You love me."

"I know I do."

They both laughed a little and touched their lips together in a sweet kiss. Billie sighed happily to himself and squeezed Gerard's hand. He loved the holidays.

Billie grinned as he sat on the sofa with Mike. Gerard was hanging out with his brother, so he figured he might as well spend some time with his friend.

"So you guys finally had sex?"

Billie grinned and nodded. "Dude it's amazing. Not only is he the hottest thing in the universe but this is like all new to him. He's never had sex until now and he just wants it all the time! It's great!"

Mike chuckled. "Seriously? I thought he was all into taking it slow."

"Well, he is. We still are, it's just... You know, he just started having sex, he isn't going to slow down any time soon. But he just everything drives him insane. All I have to do is touch him, and suddenly he's moaning my name."

"Nice. Wish I had someone like that. My hand's the closest I've got to a girlfriend." He mumbled.

Billie crinkled his nose. "Good to know."

When Gerard came back he was shivering and the tip of his nose was red.

"Geeze Babe, you look like you're freezing to death."

Gerard sneezed and nodded. "Y-Yeah it's like Hoth out there."

Billie chuckled and ran over to him. "Here, you need to warm up. Let's go down the hall and take a shower."

"What?"

He smirked and kissed Gerard's cold cheek. "Come on. We'll go to the bathroom with the showers down the hall, wait 'til we're alone and jam the door. If we're lucky, it'll be empty."

Gerard grinned and shrugged his jacket off. "Okay."

Billie gave a little cheer inside his head and grabbed Gerard's hand.

They walked through the hallway, past the other dorm rooms until they found the men's bathroom. That was the only thing that sucked about college. You had to share a bathroom with half the school.

Billie pulled Gerard in and peered around. It didn't look like anyone was in the shower stalls and none of the bathroom doors were locked. "I think we're alone." He locked the door behind them and looked over at Gerard. "Ready?"

Gerard blushed and nodded, walking over to the third shower stall and swinging the door open.

Billie grinned and stripped his shirt off before dropping it to the floor. He walked over to Gerard and kissed the side of his neck before pulling at the hem of Gerard's long sleeve shirt.

He giggled and lifted his arms up so Billie could pull it off.

They stepped into the stall and stripped down, tossing their clothes onto the floor outside, since the door only went up to their shoulders.

Gerard shivered and hugged himself. "Turn the water on, I'm freezing my ass off."

Billie cranked the handle beneath the shower head until the water sprayed out over them.

Gerard squealed and latched onto Billie. "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold."

"Whoops." He laughed as he reached over to turn the heat up. "Sorry."

Gerard sighed in relief and buried his face in the crook of Billie's neck, letting the hot water roll down his back and over his bare hips. "Mmm feels nice." He mumbled.

Billie reached his hands down to Gerard's ass and pressed this lips against Gerard's temple. "Warm enough?"

He nodded, eyes closed and wrapped his arms around Billie's waist.

They stood there for a moment, letting the water wash over each other before they realized they were both wet and naked and really had to start doing something.

Billie sucked Gerard's lower lip into his mouth, making him purr and lean in.

"Ah BeeJ." Gerard moaned as he felt Billie's hand on his hip.

"Wait, I have an idea." He grinned. "Here." Billie kissed Gerard's temple and turned him around.

"What are you doing?"

Billie whispered his plan into Gerard's ear and watched him blush. "We both know we're clean. You sure as hell don't have any STD's, we can do it without protection just this once."

Gerard chewed on his lip for a moment. "I don't know BeeJ... We really shouldn't."

"Come on Sweetheart, there's no risk."

"But still..."

"Please Baby? You know I'll be gentle."

Gerard blushed and looked down. "I don't really want to..."

"What? Why?" Billie turned Gerard back around and faced him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong BeeJ, it's just... It's not very romantic, is all. Unprotected sex in a communal bathroom?"

"W-Well I..." Billie's heart sank. "I thought you were enjoying it... You seemed like you were turned on, were you just faking it or something?"

"What? No! Billie of course not."

"Then why do you suddenly not want to do anything!"

Gerard gulped and stepped back, so his back was pressed against the cool tile. "Why are you yelling at me? I-I just... I-I... B-Billie you're scaring me, please don't get mad."

"Scaring you? Gerard, Jesus I'm not even yelling!"

"YES YOU ARE! STOP IT!" Gerard yelped, clenching his eyes shut and knotting his fingers in his hair. "YOU'RE UPSET WITH ME NOW! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

Billie's eyes widened and he reached under the spraying water to Gerard, but he only cringed back. "B-Baby it's okay. I'm not mad, look! Don't get so upset, everything's okay..."

Gerard looked up at him with wet eyes, pieces of his soaking hair were sticking to his face but he ignored it. "I-I'm sorry, i-it's just you wanted to do it without a condom a-and I was worried about how it might feel and th-then I just started thinking about what happened a-and..." He hugged himself and sniffed. "I'm sorry... I ruined everything."

"What? No, Sweetheart, come here." Billie cooed. He stepped under the water and pulled Gerard into his arms. "Don't ever apologize for something like this. I'm sorry, I should know not to push you like that... Poor Baby, are you feeling okay?"

Gerard gave a weak nod and hugged Billie tight. "I'm okay... But I feel bad still, we were having fun and I killed the stupid moment."

"Honey, no. Don't talk like that, you didn't do anything wrong." Billie kissed his forehead. "See, look, we're having another moment right now!"

Gerard giggled and kissed Billie's chin. "I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered, before pressing their lips together in a sweet kiss.

The water washed over them as they held each other and in no time at all, Billie had Gerard laughing and grinning again.

They didn't have sex. Billie didn't want to make Gerard uncumfortable. They just fooled around a little and squirted shampoo at each other until they had to get out and get dressed before someone came to bust the door down.

Gerard kissed Billie's chin and stepped back to run a towel over his hair. "Ready?"

Billie tugged his shirt back on and nodded. "Yeah."

Gerard slept in the bottom bunk with Billie that night, and woke him up past two a.m. with a nightmare.

Billie kissed his forehead and held him, telling him everything was okay and that he was safe. He couldn't help the way his heart warmed when Gerard clung to him. "I love you Gee." He whispered as they laid back down.

Gerard blushed and nuzzled his head on Billie's chest. "I love you too BeeJ..."

"You sure you're okay? I'll stay up with you if you need me to."

"No, I'm okay..." Gerard closed his eyes and reached over to take Billie's hand. "Just don't leave."

"I won't Baby, I promise." Billie cooed, stroking Gerard's hair back. God, he just loved him so much, he wished he never had to move. "Sleep tight, Beautiful."

He smiled and squeezed Billie's hand. "Hey BeeJ?"

"Yeah?"

"...Never leave me?"

Billie wrapped his free arm around Gerard's torso and kissed the top of his head. "I wouldn't dream of it."

The End.

(sequel in progress)


End file.
